Goodness gracious. It's August and summer will soon come to an end...wow.
~I became an ALUM of Loyola University of Chicago 05/07.
~I became a hermit studying for the NCLEX...while continuing to work.
~I became super addicted to shopping online due to taking "breaks" from studying...
~I took the NCLEX 07/11/07.
~I found out I passed the NCLEX 07/13/07 and can breathe a huge sigh of relief. so happy ah!
~I am now waiting for my R.N. license...which btw is taking forever to come...and oh...pretty broke b/c of eBay.

Notice...how my whole world revolved around nursing. However, I am immensely satisfied with how things have turned out. At the same time I am scared out of my mind. I am shy and quiet but I have chosen a profession where I must constantly face and confront people. It's not like I'll be sitting in a cubicle all day facing a computer or talking to people on the phone. This is the real deal. I hope people take me seriously...I want to tell those that look at me with doubt this: " I may look like I'm 12 but I have the capabilities to save your life. Remember that....and oh...listen to me while your at it." And...putting all of my other fears to the side...I love it...I have found a profession where I can make a difference...a real significant purpose to make changes and miracles happen...just wait...many stories to come.
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On another note...big Sighz...
I need to check off more things on my to-do list...
I want to do more. Experience more. See more. LIVE more. I want to be happy about the possibilities of life. My summer days are spent lazying around....and the more of that I do or NOT do I become more pessimistic.  Right now I am just dreading the future.. a life of responsibility looming ahead...does anyone know how it feels to carry your whole family on your shoulders? It's a scary thought because of how uncertain it is. I guess I'll find out soon enough. I have always hated numbers. Anything to do with math and calculations never stays in my head. Now I find myself constantly budgeting and obsessed with numbers. My goal is to save save save. But I am a materialistic human being like everybody else...and most importantly a girl...one who loves and wants beautiful things! haha I have a big purchase coming up...a car! I love/want/need it!! The price tag is holding me back...my parents are holding me back...I need to hold back....this is one time I should settle for less.

People that live a life of indulgence have absolutely no idea how it is for others but they oh so definitely know how good they have it.

Oh my...releasing my thoughts on Xanga feels good. It feels good to be here. The college years are over...and a new chapter begins. Say Hello to Annie, RN.

Is there not times where all of us have done something very inconsiderate, impulsive, or just plain stupid - and all we want to do is take it back~? BUT...it is just too late and whatever action it was that hurt that special someone close to you - they took it to heart and anything you say or do wont appease them...

i am kicking my self and wishing that sometimes i would think before i say things...

I feel like ive been living in a video game lately - controlled by somebody's emotions - either i made the wrong move, said the wrong thing, or just plain acted stupid....STUPID little girl. each time i make a mistake - brownie points are deducted, the perception that person has on me is changed (usually for the negative), and their patience is waning out...it seems like their nerves are wearing thin...getting more and more sensitive with each shock i give them in the way of disappointment.

I've been good lately. not crying impulsively at the littlest thing that is tossed my way...but tears cannot be controlled sometimes and they just drip, roll, glide down my face....i can be calmly talking to you telling you i am not crying because i want to BUT because i cannot control it. sometimes i think that tears are my insides - the liquid part of myself seeping out of my body trying to show the outside world that feelings are not meant to be contained all the time - sometimes when it is controlled it can be kept inside of us...but when the feelings build up, we are hurt, it can boil and bubble out of our system.

I am trying to become a better person...not in the way of changing who i am but just becoming more aware of my shortcomings  - you all have to admit...acknowledging that one self has flaws is a hard thing to do. seems to me that most arguments come from the inability at that present time to come to terms with either ones own mistakes or recognizing that others make mistakes too...we all are in denial of what we are when all we want to think is what we want to be...

Helen Keller
US blind & deaf educator (1880 - 1968)

during an argument - one is so hurt that they just cannot bring themself to think clearly and appease the others guilt for saying or doing what they shouldnt have said or done. appease i mean  as just acknowledging their apology or explanation. ok...i apologized...tomorrow will be a better day and i hope you "ponder" over everything tonight - and forgive me tomorrow.

just remember: "Personality can open doors, but only character can keep them open."

Elmer G. Letterman

I hope that you respect my as a growing human being...it takes time to build character - i have only recognized what type of personality i have recently - what people see when they meet me, what my friends think of me when we hang out...what leads to making our first impression on others. i have accepted that i can only act a certain way because of who i am...something that i had to come to terms with all through grade school, jr. high, and those high school years...now in college i realized cant change it...too hard...it is engrained in me - i am a quiet person in general and that is how it will be.

The next step is to define what kind of character i have lying inside me - what i want to be cannot always be what i am - the truth is always hard to hear from others before realizing it through one's own self - have faith that i will live up to my own and possibly even your expectations...i aspire to be a great person - it is up to you to find out or just give up.

*i am finally satisfied with an entry - no more writer's block - one thing that came out of all this..

*i have said enough - and finally - i have said what i wanted to say. gnite.

emotional

i am tearful

why does it feel so lonely

even when you are surrounded by so many people?

trying to get a point across

yet i am invisible to all

i am sorrowful

emotional

 

**i just want a simple life...